Shutting down...

So finally last night I got to start my Lupron shots. My reproductive system is shutting down. The injection was easy as there was nothing to mix. I did get a hive at the injection site that was itchy for about 20 minutes. I woke up this morning and the redness was gone. It's probably the preservative in the medication that is causing the reaction. I know I am allergic to the preservative in contact lens solution which led me to Lasik surgery. It's the same preservative in the Flu shot so I won't be getting another one of those this year.

The weather has finally cooled down. This is the time of year I love. Chris and I ate out on the deck last night with the tikki torches and a candle. It gets dark so early now which stinks. It was chilly but it's nice to finally breathe in fresh air. And today is the last day of the Big E which means the traffic in town will start to go back to normal. Yay!

I'm off to finish cleaning the house. Chris is golfing in a tournament today and my SIL and I are meeting our husbands for the dinner later today. I'm glad I don't have to cook today but I usually don't mind cooking on the weekends since I have more time. Plus, the leftovers come in handy for most of the week.

Back from a long weekend trip...

This past weekend, we travelled on a private bus with about 50 members of Chris's family to celebrate his parent's 50th Anniversary in Lake George, NY. The weather was perfect. We stayed at the Great Escape Lodge which was beautiful. It was so nice to get away and not think about all this IF stuff!

Cori and Sam drove from Syracuse to the lodge and met us there. It was great to see them since we hardly see them or talk to them these days. Chris ordered T-shirts with his parent's picture on them for everyone who attended the trip. We had a picture taken at the lodge with our T-shirts on.

On Sunday, we travelled on the bus to the summit of Prospect Mountain and had lunch. We were able to take pictures at the top before we started our journey home. Here's a picture of Chris and me at the top of the mountain. I told Chris we have to make it to 50 years together. Even though we married a little later in life, it's still possible.

We then had to say good-bye to Cori and Sam and headed east while they headed west. My in-laws planned a perfect trip and I'm glad they were able to accomplish what they set out to do. They are way too generous and always give and give. I know they are both going to heaven when their time on earth is done.

Saturday I will start Lupron injections. Yay! I will finally be doing something. Taking a bcp every night is getting boring. I'm nervous now. I think I'm worried about the side effects and of course about my response to these new meds. I don't want to have to cancel a cycle. It's just money out of our pocket and that bites. On a good note, I lost 2 lbs over the past week!! I'm hoping to lose 3 more over the next 2 weeks. I must buckle down because I don't think this past weekend has caught up to me yet.

Waiting once again....

I got my letter yesterday from HNE authorizing the approval of 1 IVF cycle. I was expecting at least 3 IVF cycles to be approved the first time but 1 will do for now. I'm assuming if we have extra embryos to freeze, they would want us to do a Frozen embryo transfer (FET) before they would want to approve another fresh cycle. I didn't want to call the insurance and ask. Don't want to be a nuisance.

I am enjoying this down time and plan to enjoy myself a lot this weekend in NY with Chris's family. I can drink! Woohoo! And I don't have to drive! We have a bus and a bus driver who will be at our disposal. I'm hoping this weekend will be a lot of fun. Hoping the weather holds out for us. Chris's parents have been married for 50 years! I told Chris that we had to make it to our 50th. That's our goal

Today I started having the pins and needles sensation in my face again. Maybe a little ear pain but not like last time. I just went to see my PCP a week ago. He said it could happen again and to take the antiviral if it does. So I will take it for a week and see what happens. It's best to take it now because it won't be an option for 9 months if we are successful.

Just over another week to go before I start Lupron injections to shut down my ovaries completely. Can't wait to see what the side effects will be. I've been warned about headaches and mood swings. So if you see me and I seem like I have turned into a lunatic, just know it's not my fault!!

Meds are coming!

It's official. Today I start my first ever IVF cycle. I'm hoping it's also my last. My meds were ordered today and the IVP Pharmacy called me today for delivery. I asked her to call me back with the total cost before they shipped. I wanted to make sure that I was only being charged my 30% copay. She tells me that the Menopur is about $600 so my copay would be $420. I thought it was kind of steep. I was leaving work thinking about this and it hit me. I'm no math wizard but $420 is NOT 30% of $600. The pharmacist called me when I got home and told me the entire cost would be $455 for all the meds in this order. Whew!!! That's more like it.



So tomorrow, I should come home to a big box of meds. I'm hoping they remember to send the syringes too. I forgot to ask. I start my bcp tonight. I'm using this month to exercise more. I'd like to lose at least 5lbs by October. I think that's reasonable. The weather is getting cooler and fall is my favorite time of year. That makes it much easier to get motivated!

And it's pretty cool out tonight. My furrbabies are snuggling up against my leg right now. The biggest cuddler is Callie. She is such a lap cat. And she hogs the bed at night. We have 4 cats now. I don't plan on anymore at the present time. But of course, if we never get pg, I think I may turn into a "crazy cat lady". What a scary thought....

Almost there....

AF is on the verge today! I still can't get over how excited I am over starting a period! I believe tomorrow will be officially Day 1. I will start my pack of bcp's and make the call to the IVF nurses to report day1. Let the games begin!

Monday we met with the RE. It was a quick appointment. We had a few questions. Chris is kind of leery about freezing the embryos. He agrees to freeze if we have any extra.There's no data stating that there are more birth defects from frozen embryo transfers(FET) as compared to fresh ones. My age is the biggest factor and there's not much we can do about that. We have about 6 consent forms to sign and return the next time I'm in the office for an u/s. The RE said to me, "make me proud". I should have told her to "MAKE ME PREGNANT". Then I'll make you proud. I'm so anal about everything. I follow directions to a T. I truly am the perfect patient. I swear whatever happens with the meds is not my fault.

While at the office, the nursing assistant handed me a paper bag. I looked in and saw there were 3 boxes of Follistim!!! This is the most expensive drug on my list!!! I was so happy so see this. I knew they were going to help us with the first cycle. I hung on to that bag and drove it directly home to put it in the fridge. She then told me the nurse said they had more meds for us for the first cycle as well. I would be happy with what we got. That takes off so much financial stress this month.

I don't want to put all my eggs in a basket(no pun intended) with this first IVF cycle but it's so hard not to. They told us only about 50% get pg on the first try. It doesn't seem possible that it can fail. Yet I have seen a few on the RESOLVE bulletin board. It's so sad. I know there's always adoption and we already know what's that like. It's not an easy road to navigate either and a part of me doesn't want to have to go back down it. Although once we were approved and waiting for a match, it was like being pg. Everything costs so much damn money.

On that note, I'm off to bed so I can get up and go to work tomorrow. Gotta go make some money to pay our copays!

Another BFN

I think I already knew deep down inside that I wasn't pg before I POAS today. I was hoping since I was sick yesterday and awoke at 4am with nausea. I had a slight glimmer that faded when I saw one line, once again.

It's all good. I am so glad we went forward with the IVF classes and on Monday we will sign the consents to begin IVF. Now I wait for "Aunt Flo" to reel her ugly head and start my pack of bcp's. I made lots of calls yesterday between the insurance and my pharmacy insurance company. The RE's office has to get the authorization from my health plan. The pharmacy will fill whatever scripts they recieve. I decided to stay with the current IVP Care Pharmacy I've been using. Some of the meds are a little cheaper through them and I KNOW they will deliver my meds on time. I didn't get a warm and fuzzy feeling from the Medco Specialty Pharmacy. I've called Medco twice and both times I could barely understand the person on the other end. One sounded like she had a mouth full of cotton. Plus, the RE's office recommends IVP Care. And none of these expensive injectable meds count towards my maximum out-of-pocket expense. If it did, any meds I needed would be free for the rest of this year because I most certainly would have met my maximum on the first months supply. Tell me the insurance companies didn't know what they were doing!

I went for my 1 1/2 hour massage today. I'm glad it was today. I needed it. I have a huge knot on the left side of my upper back. Some deep tissue work brought tears to my eyes but by Monday, I should feel better. I'm sure most of it is from stress. From what I wonder.....

Off to do some housework since it's too hot and humid to even go outside today. Wish we had a pool on days like this. Maybe someday. If you have a pool, I hope you're in it!!

Anyone want to buy my left kidney????

I think I may have to sell it on ebay. We went to the IVF protocol class. I was very happy to learn I do not need any IM injections. Thank goodness. Chris had fun with the syringes and the practice dummy they let you practice on. Again, he won't be giving me any shots.

The meds are way more involved than I thought. There's three meds you mix and inject in one shot. I had priced out on-line with my pharmacy what meds I thought I would be taking and it was around $430 per cycle. I could handle that. I've been paying that for the last 3 cycles.
The nurse who did the class told us since I worked at the hospital they like to help their fellow employees since our pharmacy copay is 30%. I was thrilled to hear this but not as thrilled when I came home and went on-line to price out the actual meds I will be using. My copay will be $1700 per cycle!!!!! With the RE's office help, my first cycle will only be about $450. I hope.

Yikes that's a lot of money. And I'm lucky I live in Massachusetts and we have mandated infertility treatments. If my pharmacy plan was with my medical insurance, I believe these meds would be covered. Bummer.

Tomorrow I will call the pharmacy and my insurance company to verify who approves what. I don't think my insurance company can dictate which meds I use for my cycle if they don't provide a pharmacy benefit. And I need to know if my pharmacy needs some kind of prior auth to fill the prescriptions. Right now, my insurance wants Gonal-F used instead of Follistim. I was on Follistim for my last 3 IUI's. I liked it. It was easy to use and it's cheaper than Gonal-F.
It's hard enough to deal with IF, never mind the insurance crap.

Tomorrow morning I will POAS. I'll repeat on Saturday if negative and then stop taking the prometrium (progesterone). I'll be glad to be done with that med. It's taken vaginally twice a day. I know, gross. And yes it is gross. But, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do! I know this will all be worth it in the end.

Nearing end of 2 week wait....

Now is the time in the wait that I want to POAS (pee on a stick). I may end up doing one tomorrow. The last few days are the hardest. I went for my yearly PAP today and my OBGYN was trying to see if she could feel anything yet. I didn't think you could feel anything this early. She didn't.
The good news today is my OBGYN was impressed that my weight hasn't changed since I saw her last year in June. She told me that the IF meds are known for causing about a 20-30lb weight gain in a year. She told me to keep doing what I was doing. I was so thrilled that I have managed not to gain all these extra pounds!
So I make the mistake of mentioning this to Chris. He then asks what my excuse is for not losing weight before I started all these medications. If I had an axe.....(kidding).
At this moment, I'm pretty sure I'm getting hormonal. Which means Aunt Flo will be visiting soon. I can almost see the one line on the stick. But it's ok. I've got IVF to look forward to this time. We go for the Protocol class tomorrow and I will finally know what meds I will be taking. I'm still hoping for NO IM'S!!!!

Waiting....

One week down and one more to go. I don't feel any signs yet, not that I should. The prometrium is making my boobs sore as usual and I feel hungry ALL THE TIME. I'm trying to satisfy this with fruit and more fruit. I cannot believe how hard it is to lose any weight on these meds. It's borderline impossible.
This week coming up will be another busy one. Wednesday I go to my OBGYN's office for my yearly exam. I'm glad to finally be seeing her. I was hoping to have lost some weight since last year. But no. Thursday, Chris and I go to the protocol class for IVF and I will learn exactly what meds I will take and when. I'm so hoping that I don't have to take any Intramuscular (IM) injections. I can handle the subcutaneous(SQ) ones but injecting into a muscle gives me the creeps. And I'm a nurse! I don't have a problem giving someone else a shot in the muscle. I'm not sure I want Chris giving them to me either. I guess I shouldn't worry about something that may not happen.
I also know deep down inside that I will do what needs to be done in order to get pregnant. Yes, I'm desperate.
I'm anxious to meet with the RE on the 10th and find out if there is anything else we need to do to move on to IVF. I think we have met all the things on the checklist they gave us. I may need another saline sonogram just to make sure the polyps aren't back. I think I can handle a third one. Please say a prayer they don't find any more. I might scream if I have to have another Hysteroscopy and D&C before IVF. Ugh. On the other hand, having a nice smooth uterus for those little embies to implant may not be such a bad thing.