Got my date...

March 4th at 1pm will be my hysteroscopy and D&C. I know it will be here before you know it especially since February always seems to fly by. Hopefully we will be able to move right into IVF#2 in April. Now we have a whole month off and I feel compelled to go somewhere but Chris has his basketball games to referee and he's pretty booked up all month. I think we are going to plan something for September. Aruba is calling our names!

New plan to move forward...

We met with the RE today and had a great talk. It was a relief to finally get to see her and speak with her personally. I expressed my concerns before moving on to the next cycle of IVF and she agreed to do a hysteroscopy and wants to do another D&C to give me even more piece of mind that my lining will be excellent for the next attempt. I am going to have IV sedation and a cervical block instead of general anesthesia. I didn't realize the RE could decide on the anesthesia but apparently she has some pull. I'm hoping I won't have any side effects this time around like the last D&C anesthesia. Ugh. It was pure hell.

I should have a surgery date tomorrow. Her schedule is full so it won't be until the end of Feb or early March but that's ok with me. More time for my ovaries to rest before the next IVF. I'm happy we have a plan.

Checking in....

I hope everyone is doing well these days. Things have been nice and quiet here for a while. I found a website that offered meditation and guided imagery CD's and purchased a few to help with my goal of remaining stress free. The website is www.anjionline.com. I even bought the Yoga for Infertility and tried it. It's not nearly as hard as the Pilates DVD I have. I can actually do the yoga.

Thursday is our meeting day with the RE. I have my notes together and have an idea of how to get my point across. I am not going to just sit there like I have in the past. I have plenty of questions and concerns and want some answers and logical explanations as to why she may want to do or not do this or that.

Today I went for my 1 1/2 hour massage. It's a holiday weekend for me and I have nothing planned which is kind of nice. A little house cleaning is all I have on the list of things to do and maybe watch some movies. I hope it snows while I'm off. It's nice to have a storm when you don't need to go out in it!

Finally some closure....

Finally my HCG level is down to 1. What a relief. My poor veins were shrinking the second I walked into the lab. I finally stopped bleeding yesterday too. Kind of symbolic.

I got a letter from the RE on Thursday with a summary of my IVF cycle and recommendations for the next cycle. The medication protocol will stay the same but she recommends we do a day 3 transfer regardless of how many embryos we have and how wonderful they look. I think this sounds reasonable. Maybe pushing for a day 5 transfer was too much for my old eggs. Maybe we would even have some left over for freezing for future use if needed. We are going to meet with her in person on 1/24.

Overall, I am feeling quite calm. I'm not sure if my nightly meditation music is helping or if I have just come to accept that most of what happens with IF is out of my control. I have vowed to not stress so much this time around. Plus, now I know what to expect during the ER and ET and I'm certain there will be less anxiety the next time around. I can only control what medications I take, when I take them and how I take them. The rest is up to God.

Now I plan to enjoy the next 2 weeks until we meet with the RE. Then I am sure we will be back in the saddle again with b/w and u/s's and tests. I'm anticipating another saline sonogram will be added to the list for mid February. And then we will take it from there. Now it's time to relax, play with the Wii we got for Christmas and start my year long organization project!

HCG finally dropping...

Had some more b/w today and my level is down to 41. I have horrible cramps today and I feel like another AF is on it's way. Yay. Nothing like 2 periods a month. I go back next Friday for another lab test to see where the level is. I guess there is not much else to do for now. I think I have come to the conclusion that I have to trust that my RE knows what she is doing and I will have to put my faith in her hands for what may come. I need to stop diagnosing and second guessing everything. Plus, Chris made me realize today that there won't always be logical explanations for why things happen. I think that's what makes me crazy. I like answers.

The torture of 2007 has followed me into 2008...

I went for my follow up hcg test today to make sure it was back to 0. Instead is went up to 88! They told me to stop my bcp's. My RE is stumped. I have to go back on Friday for more b/w. AF is just about over. I haven't felt well since Saturday and have some pains mostly on the right side of my abdomen so now I'm worried the embryo may have implanted in my tube. I'm hoping if it's still up or higher on Friday, a decision will be made to do a D&C and move on. The nurse told me today that even if there is still implantation, this pregnancy is not viable so I am not getting my hopes up at all. Some closure from all this would be nice.