Waiting for the letter....

I went for some b/w on Friday and was shocked to find out that my E2 was 20! My first thought was that the lab mixed up my blood with someone else's but I don't see how. I wish I was ready to start a new cycle. My labs were perfect.

I have no idea what the recommended plan is yet. I'm a little disappointed with the IVF nurse who called me back on Thursday to tell me I needed day 3 lab work on Friday to satisfy the insurance. She mentioned she would be glad to talk to me about the next steps but she didn't leave a number I could call her directly at. I left another message on the voicemail at the office but no one called me on Friday.

So now I wait for the letter summarizing this past cycle and what the next steps are. The IVF lab is closed the last 2 weeks in April so I know there isn't anything to do now except start a pack of BCP's which I did last night. I'm assuming IVF#3 is in our near future. I hope my protocol is different this time. If it's not, I may make an appointment with the RE to discuss why we aren't being more aggressive. I also want to put back more embies the next cycle even if it means risking multiples. We can deal with that issue IF it ever happens. I'm willing to take a chance considering our track record here. I don't want to fail IVF#3!

BFN

I figured that 6 HPT's couldn't all be wrong. IVF#2 has failed. After all the drama I was really hoping for a happy ending. So was my RE and the IVF nurses. They really try to soften the blow of the news when they call but I already knew. On Wednesday, the IVF team meets and reviews all the cases. I will get a letter in the mail in a few days with recommendations for the next cycle. Yes, there will be another cycle despite all that has happened.

Chris wants to look into adoption. I cried my eyes out on the phone with him after the IVF nurse called. He has a valid point that it can't hurt for us to look and gather info from different agencies and have some paperwork on hand. I think it's easier to take each failure if you have another plan on the horizon. I still can't believe that 2 IVF cycles failed. It scares me to think I may never have a child. And then I worry about adoption, what if we don't get approved? And what if we never get chosen? I wish I could wake up and feel good about living childless. I know a few people who made that choice and they are very happy with their lives'. I just can't imagine my life without a child at this point. I can't see my life beyond a child right now and that scares me. My life is basically "on hold" until I get pg. I know deep down we should be doing more, travelling more, going out more. Instead our lives revolve around doctor appointments, ultrasounds, blood work, injections, etc. I don't even want to book a trip because it may interfere with a cycle. Chris has plans to go to Maryland for work in June and now I'm thinking our next ER may happen that month. Oy. I guess we'll cross that bridge when it happens.

This makes me want to throw that damn meditation CD out the window. And drink tons of caffeine. Never thought I would give that up. I've indulged quite a bit on Easter candy today so I guess that's enough. And I'll use the CD on another cycle. I will admit my body wasn't in the best condition the day of the transfer because of the bleeding. I'm also thinking my eggs aren't the best quality anymore. I'm hoping a different protocol of medications will make a difference. We'll see.

Not looking too promising...

Sorry to be a pre-Easter drag but I've been taking hpt's since Thursday and so far all negative. I got my hopes up yesterday(on my b-day) because I used a digital test for the first time. It said "not pregnant" but when I removed the test strip there was a faint second line. I found out later that they always have 2 lines regardless if the test is positive or negative. I did a regular hpt later and that had only one line. This morning was one line too.

This is so frustrating. Especially after all the drama this cycle brought with it. I'm at least hoping my insurance would approve an FET of the one embryo we have frozen but I remember reading you needed to have at least 4 frozen embies to gain approval for an FET. It must be expensive to defrost them. We'll see. Maybe after all that's happened, they will have pity on me and approve it. It will at least give us another chance and my body a rest before embarking on another ER.

Hope you all have a nice Easter. We will need a miracle at this point to get our BFP. Monday will be the day we will officially find out but I am certain that I should at least see a faint line by today or tomorrow at the latest in order to have a successful cycle. I hope and pray it's not another chemical pregnancy. I don't want to live through that torture again.

We have a Frostie!!!!!

I got the call this morning from one of the IVF nurses (not my favorite nurse) that 1 out of the 3 embryo's we had left made it to the freezer! I'm not sure this is great news but in my mind it gives me more hope that perhaps at least one of the embies we had transferred on Thursday was as good, if not better, than our Frostie. I am trying to stay positive about this cycle despite all that has happened. Implantation should be happening about now if all is going well in there. Please send me some sticky vibes!!!

On the mend...

Today I am feeling a little bit better. Friday morning, I had more pain in my upper abdomen which almost prompted me to call the RE but overall I felt better than the day before. I didn't feel dizzy and weak when upright so I wasn't concerned of any new bleeding. By the evening, I felt better. I wish I could wake up and feel normal but I realize that's unlikely.
So now I'm in the dreaded 2ww and I'm not expecting to feel any signs that I am pg but I do know that if I do become pg, the abdominal distention will remain for 6 -12 weeks into the pregnancy. What I can't seem to find out is if I keep feeling better each day, is this an indication that I'm not pg? I may drive myself crazy with this before it's over! Of course today my embryo(s) should be at the blastocyst stage and should implant over the next 2 days if they are planning on hanging around for the next 9 months. I have been doing my meditation every night and trying to visualize what they look like now. So technically, I'm not pg yet and feeling better each day is ok for now. I'll be more obsessed at the end of next week.
Chris is leaving Sunday on business till Thursday night. I was worried about being home alone but I think I'll be fine. I made him a shopping list and he will be heading to the grocery store when he gets home from reffing his basketball games today. It is March Madness and he's in full swing this weekend.
I am going to the RE's office Tuesday morning for another u/s and to see my RE. Hopefully the fluid will be diminishing and they won't need to drain it. Fingers crossed.

Home from ET

I made it today after a rough morning. I woke up a few times last night with stomach cramps and watery diarreah(sorry, tmi). I learned it's my body's way of getting rid of all the fluid in my peritoneal cavity. I felt lousy this morning and thought of cancelling the RE appt. and the ET but I pushed on. I had to rest after taking a shower and had barely any stamina to blow dry the hair and dress. Once I got into the car with Chris and into the office I felt better.
My u/s showed that I still have lots of fluid pockets in my belly and one surrounding my liver which is their biggest concern. The nurse and the u/s tech were preparing us for a no go transfer today and a freeze but then the RE came in and asked us what we wanted to do. I opted to go forward with the transfer. If those embies didn't survive a thaw, I would be heartbroken and would have suffered through all this for nothing. My RE wants me out of work until at least Tuesday in which I will go back for another scan and see her. My biggest problem now is I have no stamina. I am short of breath with short walks and can't do much activity without requiring a rest. I bought some Iron tablets as suggested and started them today.
We went home breifly then headed to the hospital. My favorite IVF nurse and u/s tech were there today. We found out our 6 embies are still alive. They transferred the 3 best. Two were 9-cells and one was an 8-cell. They will watch the rest and freeze them if they make it to blastocyst stage (100-cells). A normal 3 day embie should have 8 cells. Hopefully these little ones will stick in there this time! I have an u/s pic of the embies in my uterus. I'd post the pic but there's not much to see but this white dot.
So now I am home in bed. I am going to meditate and take a nap. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers and send us some sticky vibes! I think my blood test will be 3/24. I will of course be POAS's the weekend prior. Maybe a little easter surprise will be in the works for us!

Update on ER and the hell that followed!

So off we went to the IVF surgical center on Monday at 630am. I was the only ER that day. My RE showed up at 730am and I was mildly panicking because we were at the 36 hour mark. She told me to relax, we had plenty of time. Chris commented to her, "Welcome to my world". I know, I'm a freak! But this is way too important to me!
I woke up in recovery and had some pain and then noticed a LOT of pain on my right side. I was told that my right ovary was high and back and the RE had a lot of difficulty trying to retrieve all the eggs. Some were left behind as she couldn't get to them. She also had to manipulate my abdomen quite a bit and got what she could. They kept giving me extra pain meds and then some Versed for the pain. They call the RE again and she told them to keep me there, she wanted to see me and do an u/s before I left. The pain would go away breifly and then come back with a vengeance. They did a scan and saw fluid around the ovary which is expected but they didn't see any blood. My RE told me it was a difficult ER and she wasn't surprised I had more pain on the right. We managed to get 12 eggs total. Not the stellar 20-something I was hoping for.
We got home around 12p and I was teary because we had missed out on some eggs and felt that 12 wasn't such a great number after having 24 eggs the last cycle. Chris went off to work and I made some toast. As I was eating, I suddenly have a wave of nausea and thought it was from the Percocet I had been given before I left. I went to bed and took a nap. I woke up 2 hours later with the worst abdominal pain from my pelvis all the way to my diaphragm and up into my right shoulder. I knew something wasn't right. I got up to go to the bathroom thinking that was why I had so much pain and after being upright for 2 minutes, I started to feel whoozy and vomited. I had to lie down. My heart was racing. I could feel it pounding in my chest. Being a nurse, I decided to stand up again and the same thing happened after about 2 minutes. So I whipped out my BP cuff and decided to check my own orthostatic bp's. Lying wasn't too bad, 116/70. But I could not get a reading sitting or standing. I wasn't sure how low the BP's could read on my machine. I called the RE's office and the on-call doc called me back right away. She told me to get to the hospital soon and she would meet me there. I called Chris at work and he must have sped because he was home within 25 minutes.
We got to hospital at 6pm with me lying down in the front seat with the yack bucket in front of me. We went to the Women's Triage Unit at the hospital and luckily not the regular Emergency Room. I got right in to an exam room and the RE appeared. After describing what I was feeling she was pretty certain I was bleeing from my ovary and now they needed to figure out if it had stopped or if I was still bleeding. She had called my RE as well who told her about the difficulty she had earlier that morning. I got another IV and some fluids. They decided to admit me overnight and wanted to do an ultrasound. I finally got a room and was officially admitted at 930pm. The pain medication they were given me wasn't doing much good. I could barely move in the bed without enduring excruciating pain and every trip to the bathroom was met with the overwhelming desire to hurl.
I finally get called to u/s around 1030pm. The tech looked like he was 16yo. I guess the RE had orderd a transvaginal u/s which I am quite used to so I didn't care how they did it, I just wanted it done so we knew what was wrong and could fix it. This poor tech must have been mortified about having to do an internal one. He kept telling me we would do an abdominal one first and let the u/s MD decide. I had a ton of fluid throughout my abdomen and my right ovary was 3 times its normal size which isn't shocking after hyperstimming for IVF. They didn't see any blood on the u/s and decided I did not need an internal scan. I then waitied for about an hour to get back to my room. There was only one orderly on and he was having a busy night.
I get back to my room a little after 12am and learn I will be getting a new roomate. I finally was able to lie on my left side but couldn't fall asleep. Someone came in to draw blood. My new screaming roomate arrives around 2am and then an OBGYN resident who was looking after me came to see me to tell me they wanted to do a CT scan of my belly because they aren't sure the u/s was telling them everything they wanted to see since my blood work showed I was still bleeding. She started talking about taking me to to surgery to do an exploratory lap and at that point I wasn't getting anymore sleep. I could not imagine the pain I was having now combined with the discomfort a surgical procedure would bring on top of it. Death was not sounding so bad at this moment.
I went for my CT scan at 330am. The orderly took me down and stayed with me this time. Getting on and off these exam tables was hell. The CT scan was quick and I was back in my room. I asked for something for nausea and apparently managed to fall asleep for about an hour before the nurse got an order for more medication. I met another OBGYN at the crack of dawn who wouldn't tell me what was on my CT scan and said they were waiting for an "official report". I didn't feel any worse but I wasn't feeling much better. They drew blood again and finally the sun was coming up. I was dead tired.
Finally, the RE who admitted me came to see me and told me I had a huge clot around my right ovary and I had bled into my abdomen plus there was lots of fluid from being hyperstimmed. The good news was no surgery. Whew. I was relieved to hear that. My blood count had dropped a little more from the last check but not enough to make them rush me to the OR to poke around. I was told I would be wiped out and in some pain for a while but I should feel better each day. They decided I could go home later that day if I could eat and if I felt up to it. I made up my mind that moment that I was going home regardless. I couldn't sleep in the hospital, the bed was hot and I so wanted my own bed! I managed to eat something without getting sick and I made a point to sit upright as much as possible. My heart was till racing but I felt better overall. My RE called me in my room and told me she was worried about me. She woke up and immediately was looking in the computer to see what was on my u/s and CT scan and my labs. She told me she wanted to see me before I left and came around lunch time to visit. There was also 2 other OBGYN's who checked on me too. I must say that the concern and compassion this practice showed was unbelievable. I even got a call from my favorite IVF nurse who my RE called to tell her what had happened. I learned that of the 12 eggs retrieved, the lab was able to ICSI 11 of them and we had 6 perfect looking embryo's. It's a good thing we did ICSI.
I finally left around 430pm. I could barely walk but made it to the car with a wheelchair. I was so overtired last night I couldn't sleep. I ended up taking a sleeping pill which worked like a charm and I slept 12 hours.
Today I am still pretty sore but do feel a tad better than yesterday. I am drinking tons of fluids as instructed and have all sorts of pain pills but I think the Tylenol is working best.
Tomorrow morning I am going to the office for an u/s and my RE will be there. We will decide to go ahead with the transfer tom'w at 11am or freeze the embryo's for another time. I'm feeling like I want to have the transfer. I hate to chance losing them if they don't handle the thawing process well. After all this hell, it would be nice to get something out of this. Plus we will have quite a story to tell the little one in the future.

Ready to trigger!!

After 5 nights of stims I am ready to trigger tonight at 630pm!!! There are about 22 follicles on my left ovary and at least 8 on the right. They didn't really bother trying to count the total on the right. I will have my ER on Monday at 730am. And my RE is doing surgery on Monday so I am totally happy. She did a great job the last time. All week I have been extremely tired from the meds and my ankles and feet have been swollen by the end of the day. Tomorrow I will feel crappy when the trigger shot starts hitting all those eggs. Thank goodness we will have to be up early on Monday. Got lots to do today so I can come home Monday and rest. My ET will be on Thursday. Then once again, we will be waiting.

Green light....

I just finished injecting my first concoction of stim drugs for IVF#2. My E2 was 91 which is high but my RE didn't feel we needed to lower it. She didn't feel it would make a difference. I had placed a call to the IVF line letting them know that I would be ok with waiting longer on Lupron to try and get the level lower.The nurse left me some explanation on my voicemail at work but she lost me in the translation. They told me if I wanted to wait and have it rechecked in a few days that was fine but I decided to trust my RE and move on.

Right now I have severe itching and burning on the left side of my belly where I gave myself the shot! It's starting to fade but oweeeee! I forgot how much this stuff stings. I had a moment tonight when I couldn't remember how much solution to mix into one of the vials. Luckily the IVF nurse had sent me instructions again a few weeks ago. This time I am on Follistim 375iu, Menopur 75iu and the Lupron dose is now 5units. Plus I start a baby aspirin and Chris and I have to take Doxycyline to kill off any threat of any bacteria. It's the only thing Chris has to take and he's giving me a hard time. He forgot a few doses last cycle. I swear if I go through all this and a retrieval and then get a call from the Embryologist that they couldn't fertilize any of the eggs because Chris has some bacteria in his sperm(sorry, TMI), I will divorce him. Or maybe I won't have to because I'll kill him first. Ok...so I'm exaggerating. Let's just say he will pay dearly.

So now I go back on Saturday for an u/s and b/w. I already put work on alert that I could possibly be out on Monday for my retrieval. I am so lucky that they are supportive. Fingers crossed that we have a great response to the medications again!

She's here!!

AF has arrived! I will go for an ultrasound and blood work tomorrow morning on my way to work. I am hoping for no cysts and a low E2 level. My starting E2 for the 1st IVF cycle was 55. I am hoping and praying for a starting level somewhere in the 40's.

Keep your fingers crossed for me and send some low E2 vibes this way for tomorrow!