New scale...

We had to go out last night and buy a new scale. No, I didn't break the old one, I think I just wore it out. You had to get on and off the damn thing several times and then take the weight that came up the most. It would have a 2-4lb difference every time you stepped on it. That's a huge difference when you're desperate to lose weight. Now all it says when you get on it is "err". We bought a nice new digital one. Chris got on it and was shocked at his weight. He suddenly wants to take lunch to work and didn't want anything extra from the grocery store this week. He did break down last week and ran out to the store to buy a big bag of candy.

I lost 1/2lb this week only. I'm trying to remain positive and remember that this weight is on a new scale. I did well this week and have no explanation for the small number this week. That makes 8 lbs. total. I've got a whole month to go and I know I can do it. Of course I'd like nothing better than to wake up tomorrow and be 40 lbs lighter but that ain't gonna happen.

This week at work I had a patient who was pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. She's from Guatemala and here on a farm program. I couldn't even look at her. Thank God she didn't need any discharge planning from me. I made a comment to one of her nurses that I would adopt the baby if she didn't want it. I could see this nurse's eyes light up and she wanted to call a Spanish interpreter for me to go speak with her. I told her to stop. I'm too devoted in trying to have my own baby right now. If Chris and I were still with an adoption agency and waiting, I would have gone in to speak with her. But now is not the time. Life can be cruel sometimes.

Weigh in...

I lost another 2.5lbs this week. I didn't eat the entire portions the ediets menu suggested. I wanted to make sure I had a good loss again. There's nothing more frustrating than losing 1/2 lb each week. I'm having flash backs to my Weight Watcher's days. I think the exercise daily is the key here plus I'm staying away from white flour and sugar. Chris and I did go out to eat last Sunday and I had dessert so I'm happy to know that I can splurge one day a week and still come out on top. It seems we have one event a week to attend so now I feel less stressed about eating out of my home.

I'm off today. The weather is supposed to be fabulous! I am off to the treadmill for my 30 minutes ONLY of exercise. I still hate it. But I don't feel like it's going to kill me.....yet.

Weight loss adventure...

Well, I'm off to a great start. I lost 5 lbs over the past week! Of course I realized yesterday that my portion sizes have been too small because I clicked "no exercise" instead of "exercise 5-7 days a week" on the E-diets set up page. Oh well, it feels good to see a big drop. I guess I didn't think I would actually exercise. I still hate it but I will commit to 30 minutes on the treadmill and not much more.

Chris has started to eat the meals I've been making. And, I saw him take out his Cigarrest products!?!?! I think he's trying to quit smoking!!!!!! I didn't say anything to him because I was afraid if I called him on it he'd stop trying. If walking on the treadmill just about everyday will get him to quit, I'll do it.

So now I am striving for 2 lbs a week. The e-diets plan has increased the serving sizes but honestly I think it's a bit too much so I'm still scaling down. Who can eat 1 cup of cottage cheese? That's a lot!

The new plan made me cry....

I still haven't recieved my letter so I called the RE's office. After a round of phone tag, one of the IVF nurses paged me at work so we could talk "live". My RE wants me to lose 10-20lbs before the next cycle. I'm not shocked at the suggestion. I would love nothing more than to lose weight myself. The nurse made it clear that my RE knows how hard it is to lose weight with PCOS and Insulin Resistance. I had to fight back tears while I was on the phone. I saved the tears until I got home. They gave me the number to a weight loss program at Mercy Hospital but it's not covered by my insurance and the Optifast program(drinking shakes only for quick weight loss) costs about $1800. I've decided to try on my own. I haven't been exercising and I could certainly eat better. I am going to give myself till the end of April and if I'm not losing enough, I will consider calling the Mercy people.

At first I felt they were blaming the hemorrhage on my weight. Like it was my fault. But Chris didn't get that impression. He feels our RE doesn't want a repeat of what happened at the next cycle and losing weight can make a difficult ER easier for the RE's. I also learned from the nurse that my RE is the doctor you want if you are a known difficult ER patient. She is very experienced and I truly think if she wasn't the one who did my last ER, any other RE would not have gotten any eggs off the right ovary. I'm grateful she got what she could.

So my goal now is to be ready for the next IVF in July. I am hoping to lose at least 15lbs by June. I don't think that's an outrageous request to myself. I just hope I can do it. Chris believes I can. I have fired up the treadmill and have walked the past 2 days after dinner. I spoke with one of the dieticians at work and she gave me a few ideas. I am still a member of e-diets and I am going to follow one of the plans they offer. I want to make my RE proud. I don't know what it is about her but there is some motivation to impress her. She gave me permission to stop the Glucophage if it's bothering my stomach too much. I'm going to try and stay on it for now but I might cut down the dosage if it gets to be too much.

Wish me luck. I am going to need it!