World Series Winners!

THEY DID IT!!!!! We stayed up to watch the end! Well, I stayed up and woke Chris up in the bottom of the 9th inning. Yesterday I was too tired to post. Had to go to bed early. I was hanging at work yesterday. The Red Sox arrived back in Boston yesterday afternoon to a warm welcome and they are having the parade today. Too bad I'm stuck here at work. That would be fun to see. So now we root for the Patriots. They are having a great season so far. Chris will be in his glory if the Pat's win the Superbowl in 2008 after a wonderful Red Sox victory. I just want to see more of Jacoby Ellsbury next year!

Off topic....

THE RED SOX ARE WINNING!!!!! Chris and I have our T-shirts on!!! They have been lucky so far!!! It's only the top of the 3rd. There's a lot of game left but THEY ARE AHEAD!!! And look-------------------------->

I found a sign!

Will tomorrow night's game possibly be the final game of the 2007 World Series???? I hope so....mostly because I was hanging last week at work from staying up so late every night to watch the games!

A new plan!

Well today is looking much brighter. I got my call this afternoon from the IVF nurse to go ahead and start a pack of bcp's. I will start Lupron again on November 9th and take 4 more days of the pills and stop. If all goes well, I will be ready to start stimming the weekend before Thanksgiving. I'm not going to surmise when my ER and ET will be. Gotta pass the u/s and b/w on day 3 of my period from the pills. At least I have an action plan now. That's such a relief.

I went to Costco tonight and there was a dad with his twin boys. They were about a year old. I keep wondering if that might be me one day. I wouldn't mind twins. Any more than that would be scary. I'm truly just hoping for one healthy and happy baby. I want to be pg before this year ends and time is flying by.

Now I must go change into my Red Sox shirt. World Series starts in 8 minutes. Game 2. I was going to make a "Believe" sign and hang it in the house. Not only for the Sox to win the World Series again, but for Chris and I to finally be pregnant!

Hoping for a Plan "B"...

Today I called the RE's office and asked when and how I would get a period since I rarely have them on my own. It's just too hard to sit here and do nothing and I don't want to call on day 30 when there is no sign of AF and then have to take medication to bring on a period. I ended up having blood work drawn. My E2 is down in the 60's, still a little high and my progesterone is 0.4. I have no idea if this is good or bad. I should hear from the IVF nurse tomorrow with a decision as to what I should do. It may be to wait some more or start a progesterone. The nurse mentioned that there is a way to get back on the Lupron while using Provera. I told her I didn't mind having to take a month of bcp's, I just don't want my next period to be a month late.

I definitely feel better that I made the call today and didn't wait till next week. I'll be anxiously awaiting the call tomorrow at work!

Bad news......

My worst fear has happened. Well maybe not the worst thing I could imagine happening but I did fear this cycle would be cancelled and it was. I went for my u/s and b/w today. My scan didn't look too bad. The ultrasound tech actually thought I would be good to go today. But my damn estrogen level went up to the 90's again. My RE decided that the Lupron wasn't suppressing me enough and I was told to stop the Lupron and start another pack of bcp's on day 1 of my period. Apparently they believe I will get one.

I was hoping that I could complete at least one IVF cycle and if I didn't get pg, I could wait until the holidays were over before doing #2. Now it looks like things may happen around Thanksgiving and possibly into Christmas. I'm so let down. I hate my ovaries. I am so disgusted that they can't do one thing right. I still don't completely understand why or how I could have active follicles after taking a bcp for one month. I keep getting this nagging feeling that something else is wrong. I keep wondering if I am heading into menopause. What if I've missed my chance spending a full year doing IUI's to satisfy my insurance protocols? How awful would that be? Ok...I may be thinking ahead here.

So now we start over. Chris is so calm and told me to stop getting all worked up. He doesn't understand that I had to get myself psyched up to do IVF. Now I have to sit on the bench for another 30 days or so. And, the office will have to get an extension on my approval for the IVF cycle since it expires in mid November. The entire cycle must be completed by that date and I know that's not going to happen. I don't understand how I am going to have a period either. Does my body think I'm ovulating? I'll have to wait a few weeks and see what happens. I guess I'm not convinced I will have a period without some kind of medication to bring one on. Gosh, how I hate to wait!

Thank you to my work buddy's for your hugs today. I needed it. And thanks to Kathy for driving me to Mona's for the jewelry party tonight. I'm glad I went even though I really wanted to come home and crawl under the covers. Shopping and wine always seem to make things feel better.

IVF meds

This is what almost $6000 worth of IVF meds looks like. Luckily, I only have to pay a 30% copay. I decided to go through everything in the boxes and in the fridge. There was even extra Follistim tucked into one of the boxes from the office. It's the injectable meds that cost so much. Looking at it all, the price seems outrageous. But then again, they know people who desperately want to get pg will be willing to pay just about anything. It turns out that the cost of one IVF cycle is equal to the cost of the medications for that cycle. It's about $12,000 per cycle. Sadly, there are many ladies on the RESOLVE board who are self pay. Not many states have mandated IF coverage. I'm very luck to live in MA where IF treatment coverage is mandated. I don't think I would opt for IVF if it wasn't covered and we had to self pay. I would have preferred adoption. That's way too much money for a 50% chance of success. At least with adoption, once you are approved, there is a 100% chance you will be matched with a child.

For now, I am trying to relax this week until my next u/s on Thursday. I'm hoping the Red Sox are going to win tonight. Chris and I are slowly recovering from whatever cold/virus we had. We were still like 2 zombies this weekend. Hopefully, that is it for any kind of "flu bug" in this house for the year!

Update....

I went this morning for another u/s and b/w. The good news is the persistant follicle on the right is down to 15mm from 18mm. And my estrogen level went down to 72. The bad news is my estrogen needs to be below 50 before I can start stimming. So I go back on Thursday for another u/s and b/w. I feel some relief that it's at least coming down. I had a different u/s tech today so I wasn't sure she measured correctly. It still looked pretty big to me. I've got 13 follicles on the left ovary all about 10mm and about 11 follicles on the right. So there is some potential for lots of eggs. Fingers and toes are crossed. Meanwhile, I stay on the Lupron and hope it keeps the rest of my ovaries quiet.

Not so great news at appointment today....

So I went for my u/s and b/w today. The instant the u/s probe went in, I saw the big follicle on the screen. I wanted to scream but I held it together. There was one 18mm follicle on the right ovary. The left ovary is quiet and ready to go. My estrogen level was 92 which means the follicle may still be active and is making estrogen. Someone needs to tell it to go away, it's done. It's ironic that I couldn't grow any follicles to save my life during the last cycle of injectable meds for our last IUI. And my estrogen level was only 95. Now it decides to hang around a while. Ugh.
Chris told me, " You can't fight nature". I know he's right but this waiting is so hard! I have to go back on Sunday morning for another u/s and b/w. I am to stay on the Lupron for now. I find it hard to believe that the cyst will disappear by then but I guess stranger things have happened. I found a great website that lists normal and expected lab values during cycles. Estrogen levels should be between 20-50. I hope, I hope, I hope everything goes down to normal!

On a brighter note, I got more meds today. I have all the meds I will need for this cycle. That is such a relief. And I don't have to pay the $20 copay for each office visit. Every appointment is covered by insurance in full for this IVF cycle. This is good news since it seems I could be going there quite often.

One of the nurses on the unit I cover at work asked me if it was hard being around all the pregnant people at work this past year. There were at least 8 staff members who became pg. Some of them were just married this past year too. A few have had their babies and returned to the job already. It was hard but I am glad that they didn't have to go through all this. I don't wish it on anyone. I think it's been fairly easy to handle since most of them were nurses and have some knowledge about IF. A few of them had IUI's and IVF as well so I haven't felt totally alone. Of course, here I am still trying. I'm hopeful that 2007 will be the magical year for us!

Finally....

AF has arrived! Today is officially Cycle Day 1(CD1). I am going for my baseline u/s and b/w tomorrow morning on my way to work. And, the nurse called me today to tell me she has more meds for me. She even has more Follistim! I was shocked. They have been so generous already. I was prepared to shell out a few more hundred dollars for more Follistim for this cycle if needed. I may be starting my stims on Friday if everything looks good tomorrow. I feel fine other than this cold. I haven't felt a ping or twinge in my ovaries for over a week now.

As excited as I am, I am also scared to death. I still can't believe that I am going to take such a high dose of Follistim compared to what I was taking for the IUI's. I keep fearing my ovaries will rupture. I have to have confidence that they know what they are doing since they have been doing this since the 1990's. We want lots of follicles and we want them to grow at about the same rate over about 10 days. There is so many unknowns right now. I keep thinking about my egg quality. What if I'm a poor responder? What if none of the eggs they retrieve fertilize? I'm not sure how I am going to handle any failure from this point out. I think I handled 3 years of clomid failures and 6 failed IUI's rather well. This is so much more important and invasive. Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now.

I joined the RESOLVE bulletin board sometime in the Spring and have been chatting with other woman who are going through the same treatments. It has been a wonderful source of support. Plus I have learned so much. It's wonderful when someone reports a Big Fat Positive (BFP) pregnancy test. And it's horribly sad when someone pg with twins miscarries them both on the day she finally relaxes about her pregnancy and buys her crib bedding. Life is so unfair sometimes. I may actually get to meet a few ladies in December who live in MA or will be visiting relatives in MA for the holidays. I know, you're all thinking....here she goes again meeting people from the Internet!!! Chris turned out to be ok:)

Please keep your fingers crossed for nice and quiet ovaries and excellent blood work results tomorrow. If somebody has any home made remedies for this cold, please post a comment! If it involves whiskey or brandy, I am still allowed to have alcohol at this point. I'll try anything. I can't look at any more soup. And it's getting tough to drink hot liquids all day when the Lupron hot flashes hit! Chris is sick too so at least it's going through this house now. We both have that nasally sounding voice and a junky cough. At least we get to be miserable together this week.

Hurry up and wait....

Waiting is the hardest part of this journey! Today is one week since I started the Lupron shots and about 4 days since I took my last active bcp. Now I wait for my period to begin. No signs of AF yet. I have a very mild headache today which could be the Lupron. Thankfully, I went for my 1 1/2 hour massage today which helps to cut down on the headaches.

I was extremely tired earlier this week. It seems a lot of people were complaining of the same thing so maybe it had nothing to do with the Lupron. This weather is horrible. The humidity has got to go! Columbus Day weekend is when I finally break down and allow the heat to be turned on in the house. I've got the AC going right now. And, I'm fighting a cold this week.

I'm glad it's a long weekend. I love having an extra day to sleep in. People tell me I will have to give up my extra sleep once I have a child. I don't think I will mind. It will be worth it. Keep all of your fingers and toes crossed for us this month!