Bad news......

My worst fear has happened. Well maybe not the worst thing I could imagine happening but I did fear this cycle would be cancelled and it was. I went for my u/s and b/w today. My scan didn't look too bad. The ultrasound tech actually thought I would be good to go today. But my damn estrogen level went up to the 90's again. My RE decided that the Lupron wasn't suppressing me enough and I was told to stop the Lupron and start another pack of bcp's on day 1 of my period. Apparently they believe I will get one.

I was hoping that I could complete at least one IVF cycle and if I didn't get pg, I could wait until the holidays were over before doing #2. Now it looks like things may happen around Thanksgiving and possibly into Christmas. I'm so let down. I hate my ovaries. I am so disgusted that they can't do one thing right. I still don't completely understand why or how I could have active follicles after taking a bcp for one month. I keep getting this nagging feeling that something else is wrong. I keep wondering if I am heading into menopause. What if I've missed my chance spending a full year doing IUI's to satisfy my insurance protocols? How awful would that be? Ok...I may be thinking ahead here.

So now we start over. Chris is so calm and told me to stop getting all worked up. He doesn't understand that I had to get myself psyched up to do IVF. Now I have to sit on the bench for another 30 days or so. And, the office will have to get an extension on my approval for the IVF cycle since it expires in mid November. The entire cycle must be completed by that date and I know that's not going to happen. I don't understand how I am going to have a period either. Does my body think I'm ovulating? I'll have to wait a few weeks and see what happens. I guess I'm not convinced I will have a period without some kind of medication to bring one on. Gosh, how I hate to wait!

Thank you to my work buddy's for your hugs today. I needed it. And thanks to Kathy for driving me to Mona's for the jewelry party tonight. I'm glad I went even though I really wanted to come home and crawl under the covers. Shopping and wine always seem to make things feel better.