Finally....

AF has arrived! Today is officially Cycle Day 1(CD1). I am going for my baseline u/s and b/w tomorrow morning on my way to work. And, the nurse called me today to tell me she has more meds for me. She even has more Follistim! I was shocked. They have been so generous already. I was prepared to shell out a few more hundred dollars for more Follistim for this cycle if needed. I may be starting my stims on Friday if everything looks good tomorrow. I feel fine other than this cold. I haven't felt a ping or twinge in my ovaries for over a week now.

As excited as I am, I am also scared to death. I still can't believe that I am going to take such a high dose of Follistim compared to what I was taking for the IUI's. I keep fearing my ovaries will rupture. I have to have confidence that they know what they are doing since they have been doing this since the 1990's. We want lots of follicles and we want them to grow at about the same rate over about 10 days. There is so many unknowns right now. I keep thinking about my egg quality. What if I'm a poor responder? What if none of the eggs they retrieve fertilize? I'm not sure how I am going to handle any failure from this point out. I think I handled 3 years of clomid failures and 6 failed IUI's rather well. This is so much more important and invasive. Maybe that's why I'm so scared right now.

I joined the RESOLVE bulletin board sometime in the Spring and have been chatting with other woman who are going through the same treatments. It has been a wonderful source of support. Plus I have learned so much. It's wonderful when someone reports a Big Fat Positive (BFP) pregnancy test. And it's horribly sad when someone pg with twins miscarries them both on the day she finally relaxes about her pregnancy and buys her crib bedding. Life is so unfair sometimes. I may actually get to meet a few ladies in December who live in MA or will be visiting relatives in MA for the holidays. I know, you're all thinking....here she goes again meeting people from the Internet!!! Chris turned out to be ok:)

Please keep your fingers crossed for nice and quiet ovaries and excellent blood work results tomorrow. If somebody has any home made remedies for this cold, please post a comment! If it involves whiskey or brandy, I am still allowed to have alcohol at this point. I'll try anything. I can't look at any more soup. And it's getting tough to drink hot liquids all day when the Lupron hot flashes hit! Chris is sick too so at least it's going through this house now. We both have that nasally sounding voice and a junky cough. At least we get to be miserable together this week.