Back in the saddle again....

It's official. I am starting IVF#3! Never thought I would be doing a 3rd IVF except if we were trying for baby#2. I have lost 20 1/2 lbs as of this morning. My RE was pleased with my efforts at losing weight and very happy to hear Chris quit smoking. I'm on BCP's and will start Lupron on 7/3. I went for a massage today and decided to have a few more while cycling this time. I will go again for another on 7/2.

I'm hoping to lose another 6-10lbs before the actual ER date which should be around the 3rd week in July. I am so hoping I will be pg this time around. I really don't know what I will do if it fails. I'm not sure how much more disappointment I can really take. I find that starting each new cycle brings some hope but that hope and excitement fades during the 2ww. Doubt and failure seem to creep in towards the middle of the wait and it's hard to shake. Peeing on sticks and getting one line time after time doesn't help either.

I know that physically I am in a better place this time around. I am eating healthier and exercising regularly. I won't exercise when I start the stims. I really believe that exercise creates a stress response in one's body and can be detrimental to conception. I know one shouldn't believe everything they read, but that chapter in an Infertility book I read has stuck with me. I'm thinking I could walk on the treadmill but at a low speed and maybe just 20minutes instead of 30minutes. We'll see.

I'm sure I will lose some sleep the night before the ER this time after the last fiasco. Of course, if I should hemorrhage again, I will at least be able to recognize it early on and will know what to expect. I feel confident it won't happen again but there is some fear lurking inside of me. I am hoping to have my RE for ER and not the same RE for ET day that I've had for the last 2 cycles. He's nice enough but I find the ET to be torture! The Valium they give you isn't enough. And it's only the speculum that's causing all the pain and torture. I keep thinking maybe it's him and his technique on inserting the instrument of torture. I've had 6 IUI's with the nurses and had mild if any discomfort for those procedures. My RE did a saline sonogram and I could of laid there all day with the speculum in. I shouldn't worry about this now. I'm not asking for a different speculum. That seemed to piss off the RE the last time he did the ET. I suppose they will figure it out for themselves. I may also take the Valium and some pain killers on the day of ET. I've got plenty of drugs left over from past procedures.

For now I will continue to lose weight. I have all my drugs in hand at the house. Can't wait to start stims!